The Four Regrets (#317)
Between Thanksgiving and the New Year I cleaned out my Mom’s condominium and helped her move into an independent living facility. As I went through her life — through pictures, papers, and other keepsakes, I kept thinking back to Daniel Pink’s book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Pink’s book was very good. He did deep research to discover the four regrets people have globally. The four regrets are: Inaction, Authenticity, Shortchanged Relationships, and Missed Enjoyment. I know I have felt each of those regrets at various times in my life. Have you? Pink feels that by understanding what people regret the most, it helps us to better understand what people value and, as a result, create a more meaningful life.
The Risk of Inaction:
One of the key regrets highlighted by Pink is the regret of inaction — the opportunities missed because of a reluctance to take risks. Risk can be defined as “a prediction of a probable outcome based on evidence from previous experience.” In a world that is ever-evolving, playing it safe can lead to a life filled with what-ifs. Pink encourages us to embrace the discomfort of uncertainty, recognizing that the willingness to take risks often leads to richer experiences, personal growth, and a life less burdened by the haunting question of what might have been.
Action: When did you last take a risk? Are you playing it safe or are you taking a risk in 2024? What risk are you taking in 2024?
The Regret of Authenticity:
Another poignant regret Pink identifies is the failure to be true to oneself. Conforming to societal expectations or pursuing paths that don't align with our core values can leave a lingering sense of emptiness. Authenticity, Pink argues, is the antidote to this regret. By embracing our true selves, expressing genuine emotions, and aligning our actions with our beliefs, we can forge a path that resonates with our innermost desires.
Action: With all my executive coaching clients, I have them build their personal purpose statement. That way they spend time thinking and understanding their “why” and then being able to chart a path forward that aligns better with their why. Have you built your own personal purpose statement? If you need help drafting your personal purpose statement, check out Chapter 2 of my book Grow Your Grit: Overcome Obstacles, Thrive, and Accomplish Your Goals for some ideas on how to do it.
The Regret of Shortchanged Relationships:
Pink underscores the significance of relationships and the regret that arises from neglecting them. In the pursuit of professional success or personal goals, individuals may inadvertently sideline the importance of deep connections with loved ones. Cultivating meaningful relationships, according to Pink, is a cornerstone of a fulfilling life, and recognizing this can motivate us to invest time and energy in the bonds that matter most.
Action: Schedule a coffee or a lunch with someone this week. Or call someone today. I met Chuck for coffee last week and got excited about the Braves AA baseball team relocating to Columbus, Georgia in 2025.
Regret?
The Regret of Missed Enjoyment:
Pink's book also touches on the importance of savoring life's pleasures. The busyness of modern life can lead to a regretful realization that moments of joy and delight were overlooked in the relentless pursuit of productivity. By actively seeking out and appreciating life's small pleasures, we can create a more balanced and fulfilling existence.
Action: I know I have the tendency to focus on the “relentless pursuit of productivity.” When did you last celebrate a win or a small victory? Take time to celebrate the wins. Check out my blog post on celebrating the wins for more ideas on how to enjoy the victories.
Conclusion:
Daniel Pink's insights into the four regrets offer more than a retrospective lens; they provide a proactive guide for living a life of purpose and fulfillment. Embracing risk, prioritizing authenticity, nurturing relationships, and savoring life's joys can shape a life free from the weight of regret. As we navigate our journeys, Pink's wisdom serves as a beacon, illuminating the path toward a life that reflects our truest selves and maximizes the richness of our experiences.
Need some help avoiding regrets this year and living a more meaningful life? TFCG’s executive coaching program can help you be 5% better than you were last year. Hit one of the buttons below to start the conversation and see if TFCG can help you avoid regrets:
In the meantime, go on the offensive and use your greater understanding of regrets to help you live a more fulfilling life this year.